Chapter 2: The Mid Years

I remember when i was 12, my mother got the opportunity to pursue her studies in York, England. So after i had my UPSR(std. 6 final exam) I shifted there with my mother, leaving my brother with my dad over here at first. My brother then joined after a couple of months seeing as he was kid and he needs his family around. So yeah I said to my family and friend thus leaving my life in Klang for good when i was 12 instead started a new one outside of my own place. That was the first time I had to ride a 14 hour flight in my life, long as hell.

When we arrived there, I was kinda excited cause I never been that far in my life before. It was cold when we got out of the airport, really different from where I came from. I had to ride trains and buses to get around over there. I was curious to see what the life's like over there and compared it to where I came from. At first I didn't really liked it that much, I had trouble adapting with the weather cause it was cold, the language cause the place i lived had their own tongue, the food cause it was bland like f***. But after some time i grew to love the whole thing.

I remember my first day in high school. My form tutor back then, Ms. Downing introduced me to the class and i made friends with some of the guys, I had trouble communicating with them at first cause of the language barrier i supposed, i mean they were speaking in a really thick northern english accent and it came out as blank to me cause i don't understand shit they were speaking especially the gym teacher. I really was close with no one at first and kinda felt different cause i was a brown kid growin up in a white environment but i made a few close pals later on around my neighbourhood and also in school.

After a few months of being in the country also in school, i finally blended in. I guess if you can't beat em' join em' that's what I told myself. So I really had fun growing up there. I really got close with this white kid called Rob. Me and Rob we're practically brothers, we did everything together. Getting detention, writing lines in school, sending paper rounds after school and also hangin out during the weekends. I still remember that time we were taking the mick out of our maths teacher, Mr fell. We called him out loud in class "Colin "Fell Over". He was really crossed and gave us detention after that and we would laugh.See, Rob was a really cheeky kid who had a snapback mouth and he's really funny. We was tight as hell, I know his family, he knows mine.

Apart from that I also made friends with my brother's friends who lived nearby among them was Arnie, Joel and Edwards. We would always play footie and basketball at the outgang( a park nearby my residential area). Arnie was my brother's classmate. He was the type of kid that listens to a lot of hip hop music, to say in a way he was a "wigga". I saw rhymes at the back of his schoolbook. He introduced me to a few hip hop albums back then. Joel, who lived nearby our place was also close to me and my brother. He practically comes around to our place for dinner, sleep overs and shit like that. He would always got pissed when the rest of us taking the mickey out of him. Hahaha it was really funny cause Arnie would say the meanest thing bout him cause he was of jewish descendant but really we didn't discriminate him, it was just for laughs. Edwards or Teddy Edwards as friends know him was also tight with us. So yeah all the five of us was pretty tight back then. On weekends my mom would cook somethin' and they were always there for lunch or dinner. They liked my mom's cooking, I bet cause what they had before was kinda bland, haha. But yeah, it was really fun growin' up having close friends around you kinda made you feel welcomed I guess.

Me and my brother grew up there for a couple of good years. It was one the best years of my life I suppose cause I was already used to it, since half of my highschool years was spent there. But all of that had to end somewhere, I had to go back during my first half of my Year 9 which is equivalent to Form 3 over here. So I said goodbye to my friends again and flew back here. The only thing i regretted is not seeing Rob on the last day of school. Some said he wasn't being himself when i left. I felt bad back then but not anymore cause i saw him again after 9 long years last year.

I guess what i learnt was " all good things must come to an end", sometimes I feel like going back to this point of my life and re-live it all over again but then again I wouldn't change a thing cause I wouldn't be here writing bout this.

Chapter 1: Younger Years

So where do I begin? herm..lets see...I aint exactly told you guys bout me a lot yet. So here it goes the story of my first twelve years in summary.

I was born in a local hospital in Klang on 12th of June 1988, and I pretty much grew up there for the first 12 years. I'm the second child out of my family and the most different one too. Growing up, I was a problematic kid to my parents. I was the type of kid who would always flunk in class. I remember gettin' nearly last place for my first STD 1 examination when I was 7. In short I am the "black sheep" of the family which made my parents felt a certain dislike over me.

My elder brother would always get number one in class, he was the golden kid of the family. I differ from him in almost everything, looks, intelligence and attitude. Hell we don't look like brothers at all. He was the type of kid who was loved by everyone; my parents, my aunt and uncles, and friends. To say in a way, yes I do admit I envied him because it was the opposite with me.But it was cool, cause he was the only one I had growing up so yeah we we're pretty tight. I always had this feeling back then that I always wanted to follow him everywhere he goes but I did it the wrong way, it's like i wanted to compete with him but I did it differently. 

That's when my father noticed there's something wrong with me, I can't even comprehend this problem I had myself but i remember when I was 4 years old I wanted to go to Pre-school with him when he was 5. I got jealous of him a lot of times. I wanted to make my parents proud of me too but I failed miserably, hell that just proves to my parents what more of a fuck-up I was and still am. But yeah my attitude never helped me neither, I always had that revenging nature and low self morale. I always took the easy way out and had a problem conveying to my parents with the problems I was facing. I was the type of kid that was always gettin yelled at, scolded and beaten up by my parents and teachers. School never helped either, I never really learned much cause i had a problem concentrating in class and my mind would wander anywhere when the teacher's teaching something in class. When i thought about it, it's not that i couldn't do well in school but i choose not to learn at some point. I think i had a learning deficiency and maybe still do, I don't effing know. So that just adds more to my dad's frustration over me and made him do the things he did before with me like yellin' and beatin' me up over the years of my childhood.

I remembered gettin' caned, slapped, and some other corporal punishment that parents do to their children. I was a hell of a problematic child. I remember the first time i skipped school i was 8 years old(std 2), I didn't know where to go, so I chilled at the playground. My parents found out about it and they got furious which led to the same thing. I also remember when me and my brother stole our dad's coins collections and went and bought shits back then. Dad found out about it and beat the living shit out of my brother. He learned his lesson not to steal or do anything that would upset my parents, but I never did. See my brother when we did shitty things back then, he was the one that backed me up and saved my ass all the time til today. For that I'm thankful, at least someone cares. 

I also remember back then in primary school, I had this sort of acquaintance that always gave me money for free, he used to gave like 20,30 bucks to me and i was like"holy shit, what am i gonna do with that amount of money" see that amount was a lot when you're 9 years old. I remember seeing my friends stealing mouse balls in the computer lab in school when i was 10 years old, i never stole them but instead I got done for it too. On top of that,the kid that always gave me and my friends money got in trouble cause his sister came to school and claimed back the money from us. Truth is he came from a poor family and he stole his sister's money and gave it to the other kids, shit I never knew that. The Principal who was pretty tight with my dad sent me home once and told my dad he gave up on me, I didn't exactly know what I did to cause that. I guess most of the time I was always caught in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people which made a misunderstanding between me and a lot of people cause i had trouble conveying what i meant.

I also remembered skipping evening school when I was 10, I hid under the drains, at home and other random places cause my brother stopped evening school when he was 11. I was jealous cause of that so I wanted things to be equal with me. One day my parents found out that I skipped school a lot, and yeah the same thing happened all over again. My father was very furious of me, back in his younger days he was a lot more furious and angry prolly cause of work stress or somethin. I remembered showing him my school book, he asked me a question and i prolly said the wrong answer than what i really meant so he gave me a punch on the face til my nose bled. I also remembered runnin' away from home when I was ten cause I was really scared of my dad. My mom was really worried, my father came to the place that i ran to and drag me the hell out of there, while on my way home he kicked the living shit out of me and i got the belt when i got home.You could say i had a phobia over my dad. I looked at him as an authority not as a father.

When i was 11 til i was 12 years old( my last year in primary school), I decided that i got bored and tired of my dad beatin' the shit outta me so yeah i followed with the school course firmly. I studied hard, got better grades and turned it around from there temporarily. My attitude still never changed, always the weird one out in the family.

Even though the beatin' and yellin' was endless but I guess it never got to me, I don't even know why. It's like I never learned anything when he told me to do the right thing. I got used to all those treatments already. I don't blame my parents for doing so, cause raising a kid like me its like raising hell. Infact I kinda feel sorry for them for havin' a kid like me, they don't deserve all that shit. I guess now you all know a little bit about me, what a stubborn and hard headed character I am. 

All i can say is, try walkin in my shoes first before you judge me too quickly. It's hard.

Introduction to destruction

Oh hello, my name is.....you know my effing name. i don't need to go further on that. well I am a....negative minded,hard headed, hot headed, fickle minded, gutter snapback mouthing, loathsome, peculiar person. apart from that i could appear to be positive and warm and welcoming at times.